Prosecutor indicts groundhog for misrepresentation of early spring

With the snow flying today and more in forecast for the weekend, Gmoser imposed the death penalty on Punxsutawney Phil for “misrepresentation of early spring.”

The direct indictment distributed by email says: “On or about February 2, 2013, at Gobbler’s Knob, Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early.”

Contrary to the Groundhog Day report, a snowstorm and record low temperatures have been predicted to continue in the near future. That, according to Gmoser’s news release, constitutes the offense of “misrepresentation of early spring, a Unclassified Felony, and against the peace and dignity of the State Of Ohio.”

Gmoser laughed Thursday, saying he didn’t care if he had no jurisdiction in Pennsylvania, he said he was going to seek extradition.

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