Tips for teaching children gratitude

Zirkel identifies Five Stages of Gratitude:

1. "Saying Gratitude" is using good manners. We are polite and acknowledge when others do good things for us. These are important habits to teach our children so they treat others with respect.

2. "Emergent Gratitude" is a deeper sense of gratitude. It is a true and sincere appreciation for what one has. Not just material things, but for people, relationships and intangibles. It's "counting our blessings."

3. "Mature Gratitude" is being grateful for everything, even the little things that most people take for granted, like a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs.

4. "Hard Gratitude" is a sincere feeling of gratitude for even apparent negative events, for the positive benefits these challenges may bring. Most people formed this sense of gratitude after they have made it through a negative event.

5. "A State of Grace" is the most difficult form of gratitude to have because it's being grateful for negative or even dramatic events while we are still in the midst of them. This form of gratitude builds a sense of faith that no matter what happens in our lives, some good can come from it. It's an empowering recognition that it's our choice how we choose to perceive our experiences. We see this with terminally ill patients who enjoy every second of life and reassure us that they and we can be at peace.

So how can we teach our children to be grateful?

It’s simple, but maybe not easy:

Model Gratitude. Some children and adults are rude. They don't even say, "Thank You" out of politeness. They expect to receive things or feel entitled. These children and adults have never even mastered "Saying Gratitude." So this is the first step. Then model each level of gratitude by using good manners, expressing your appreciation for the little things in life, for your children, and even for the apparent negative circumstances you might be facing.

Teach Gratitude. Point out times when it would be appropriate for children to consider what they might be grateful to have. Respectful reminders to use manners or other respectful prompts can simply shift children's awareness from negative to positive or from entitlement to appreciation. Avoid blame for guilt trips, such as, "You are such a spoiled brat. You didn't even thank grandma for that gift." Instead simply acknowledge the opportunity you see. For example, Wasn't that a nice thing to do? I bet it would mean a lot to her if you told her you appreciated the time she took to do that."

Live Gratitude. Don't just talk about being grateful, truly feel it. Scientific research shows that feelings of gratitude create healthy chemicals in our bodies. They also raise the body's electromagnetic vibration level, which not only helps us feel more positive, but tends to help us recognize and attract more positive into our lives. Empty words don't do this. Sincere feelings of appreciation and deep gratitude do.

To learn more about teaching children gratitude:

Jody Johnston Pawel is a Licensed Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, second-generation parent educator, founder of The Family Network, award-winning author of The Parent's Toolshop book and president of Parent's Toolshop Consulting. She is the author of more than 100 parent education resources, including her award-winning book, "The Parent's Toolshop." For more than 25 years, Jody has trained parents and family professionals through workshops and interviews with the media worldwide, including Parents and Working Mother magazines, and the Ident-a-Kid television series. Jody is an online parenting columnist for Cox Ohio Publishing and also serves on the Advisory Board of the National Effective Parenting Initiative and is host of Parents Tool Talk radio show.