The flip side is his obsession with Lucy’s past. “I’m starting to wonder if she was a slut. There have been times, while we’re having sex, when I think about the others that she has been intimate with before me.”
Your thoughts ...
CHUCK: Ben’s not alone. My friends and I, victims of our strict Catholic upbringing, were all married before the sexual revolution of the early ’70s. Now we’re bystanders in the current culture of free love, friends with benefits, and sex before high school graduation.
Men, by their nature, are not meant to be monogamous, so my repressed generation suffers. Ben’s only hope is to share his feelings with his wife, tell her how fortunate she was to have had previous sexual partners and beg her to let him have sex with another woman before he dies.
My friends and I could try the same approach, but since most of us married equally inexperienced Catholic girls, we would have to be willing to grant them the same wish.
BRENDA: Ben should just ask his wife about her past. If she has any sense, she’ll say she had sex with one guy or two or three at the most. But she may think he’s nuts to be asking at this late date.
HAPPY: Was she a “slut”? What a charming thing to wonder about your partner of 35 years, the one who has shared her worldly goods with you, took care of you, stood by you, and comforted you during life’s inevitable setbacks.
What difference will it make if Lucy shares her past? It doesn’t change yours, and it doesn’t change the way she has behaved since you’ve known her. What it will do is damage your relationship irrevocably because there is no “correct” answer for her to give. Regardless of what she says, she loses.
J.J.: I’ll bet there are other issues involved here, and therapy would be a good way for Ben to get to the bottom of them.
SUSAN: I understand wondering what else is out there and what you’ve missed. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years and have never had another partner. I went through a lot of those thoughts, too. But at the time, we were having sexual problems, and a lot of those doubts where stemming from that.
I felt like our problems were because he didn’t want me and wasn’t attracted to me anymore because I wasn’t good enough. (Do you want your wife to feel like that Ben?). Our focus is now on enjoying our family and life together, and just letting sex happen.
MADELYN: I think it’s horrible that a husband of 31 years is thinking about cheating and using the excuse of his wife’s ancient history to justify it.
MARY: Interesting how it’s bad that he didn’t have experience before marriage, and it’s bad that she did.
Did you have too much sexual experience before you married or too little? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrappgmail.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.
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