At $98 for 3.4 ounces, “Ageless” is quite a bit more expensive than other products that might make you act younger, such as tequila. But it’s no ordinary perfume. It’s “Prescription-free youth.” “The scent that defies age.” “Perfume with purpose.”
And the purpose is to make you smell younger.
I’m not sure what older women smell like. Polident? Geritol? Hearing aid batteries? But, according to a report in the Journal of Investigative Dermatology, as women age they produce increasing amounts of 2-Nonenal, which is described as “an unsaturated aldehyde with an unpleasant, greasy and grassy odor.”
As any woman past bikini age knows, looking, acting and feeling young is tough enough, what with all those multiplying wrinkles, graying hairs and drooping body parts. And smelling like greasy grass probably isn’t making it any easier.
But, with “Ageless,” according to some studies, you’ll smell 8 years younger. If, for instance, you’re 93 years old, spritz it on and people will swear you don’t smell a day over 85.
Don’t just take my word for it, though. Here’s an actual testimonial from Karen D., who spritzed some on one morning and, “Lo and behold — my husband in his half groggy state told me that I looked nice. First time ever!!!”
At this point, you’re probably wondering about several things, including “What ingredients are in ‘Ageless?’ ” And, “If that’s the first time ever that Karen D.’s half-groggy husband told her she looked nice, why did she marry the lout in the first place?”
I don’t have the answer to that one, although I do know that the ingredients in “Ageless” include pink grapefruit, mango and pomegranate.
But if “Ageless” doesn’t make your husband say you look nice, maybe it’s not your greasy grass smell. It could be that you’re just getting a little hefty.
In that case, what you need is Harvey Prince & Co.’s “Eau de Lite,” the perfume that helps you lose weight with notes of green apple and peppermint.
If being smelling younger and being thinner is not enough, there’s always Harvey Prince & Co’s “Eau de Flirt,” a combination of lavender and pumpkin pie, ingredients that have been shown to evoke a more passionate response in men than any other smells, with the possible exception of pizza.
While all of this is wonderful news for aging women, unfortunately Harvey Prince & Co. does not make similar product for aging men.
So I guess we’ll just have to go on being fat and smelling like Old Spice.
Contact D.L. Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com
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