After decades of producing apps that will do everything from locating your car to determining the ripeness of a watermelon, technology finally has come up with something useful. It’s an app called Echo Look that tells women how to dress.
And while It’s been described as “essentially an Instagram husband for single ladies,” it may be the best thing that’s happened to married men since Eve first asked Adam which fig leaf she should wear.
This app, which has been designed for Amazon, coordinates with a hands-free camera equipped with Alexa. It’s not yet on the market, but it was tested last week by a USA Today fashion writer. In her report, she wrote that she had to choose between a black, pleated tea-length vegan leather skirt or a basic A-line mini. She liked the tea-length skirt, but Alexa told her the mini was better. No husband in the world could make that call. Even if we knew what a tea-length skirt is.
Besides, answering questions like those is fraught with peril. And it’s a lot fraughter than just replying to, “Do these slacks make my butt look big?” All husbands know the only correct answer is, “Of course not, sweetheart.” Delivered sincerely in no more than three-tenths of a second.
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A lot trickier are the questions that begin, “Which of these … ”
Last Friday evening, for instance, my wife is getting dressed to go out for dinner. She starts with a white blouse and a black skirt, but can’t decide between sandals, flats or heels.
“Which of these do you like best?” she asks me, which is approximately the equivalent of me asking her, “Which college quarterback should the Browns draft?” But I immediately reply, “flats,” because I know if I don’t say something the restaurant will be serving breakfast by the time we get there.
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She puts on the flats, stands in front of the mirror and decides she doesn’t like them with that skirt, so she exchanges the skirt for jeans that absolutely don’t make her butt look big. But then she doesn’t like the jeans with the blouse, so she pulls out three sweaters and asks which of them I like best.
By this point I’d be happy if she settles on a purple track suit with three-inch heels, but I vote for the blue sweater. Which she decides doesn’t go with the gold necklace she has on. But eventually we make it out the door and she looks great in her red dress with knee-high boots and silver jewelry.
I don’t know when Echo Look will be available. I just hope it’s in time to save our marriage.
Contact this columnist at firstname.lastname@example.org.