@@facebook=
@@
Wedding registries used to be predictable. Brides-to-be went to local department stores and made lists of fine china, silverware and crystal to help launch their domestic life.
Today, household goods sometimes don’t even make it onto wedding registries. That can be a surprise for wedding guests of older generations — especially when the requests are for spa treatments at a honeymoon hotel, gift certificates for cruise ship dinners, or contributions for the honeymoon itself.
What’s the etiquette for this? Should newlyweds really be asking guests to pay for their honeymoon?
Waste not, want not
Jenny Garringer, co-owner of Pink With Envy event planning services in Beavercreek, says it’s not an uncommon situation.
“I think sometimes older generations have a hard time, because they like to get something you can actually unwrap,” Garringer says, “but we are seeing more and more couples do this. I think it’s mainly because a lot of couples are living together before they get married. They have a lot of the standard registry items already, but everybody wants to go on a nice honeymoon.”
Another factor, she says, is the economy. “Most people don’t get to do the big trips you might have 10 or 15 years ago.”
The idea gets a nod from Sandy Hyde of Beavercreek’s Etiquette School of Ohio.
“It is, in fact, appropriate,” Hyde says. “Especially if it’s a second or third marriage for someone, or they’ve been on their own for awhile, they may already have furniture or china or silver, and they may not be in need of the traditional wedding gifts. Many people will work with a travel agency to set up a honeymoon gift fund, and people can donate what they feel is appropriate for them.”
More important than the actual gift, she says, is the feeling behind it.
“There’s a myth that people give to cover the cost of their dinner and attendance at the wedding,” Hyde says. “But a wedding invitation isn’t contingent upon a gift. A gift is given because a person wants to help the couple celebrating, as a symbol of their happiness for them.”
Just don’t include your registry in your invitation, she says, as it can imply a rude expectation. Just let your family members, wedding party and closest friends know where you’re registered or if you’d prefer donations toward a new home or that honeymoon.
“If a guest is interested in giving, they can talk with them and ask what you’d prefer,” Hyde says.
Communication still key
Steve Nagle, a honeymoon specialist with Uniglobe VIP Travel in Kettering, says honeymoon registries have surged lately, and it’s important to hit the right note with family members.
“You want to let them know that this is a win-win for everybody. You can tell them, ‘we appreciate gifts, but what we’d really love is a great honeymoon.’ ”
He says his travel agency gives out cards that can go to wedding guests. “It says, ‘so-and-so are registered, if you would like to purchase a portion of the honeymoon as a shower or wedding gift, please contact us.’ We’ll set it up, then send them a gift card so they can hand something tangible over.”
In one case, Nagle says, a couple had a palm tree at their reception that guests could attach gift cards or checks to. They raised $700 toward their warm weather get-away, and got to bring the tree home.
“We had another couple get $1,800,” he says. “The bride told me, ‘Do you know that I would have gotten $1,800 of kitchen appliances and towels I would have had to bring back? Instead, I get to have a wonderful honeymoon.’”
Contact contributing writer Ria Megnin at ria@riamegnin.com.
About the Author