Ariana Grande is commenting for the first time on her friend and ex-boyfriend Mac Miller since his death on Sept. 7.
In a Friday Instagram post, the singer, who has turned comments off on her page since Miller’s death, expresses disbelief that he’s gone.
“I adored you from the day I met you when I was nineteen and I always will,” Grande wrote. “I can’t believe you aren’t here anymore. I really can’t wrap my head around it. We talked about this. So many times. I’m so mad, I’m so sad I don’t know what to do. You were my dearest friend. For so long. Above anything else. I’m so sorry I couldn’t fix or take your pain away. I really wanted to. The kindest, sweetest soul with demons he never deserved. I hope you’re okay now. Rest.”
The caption accompanies a video post of Miller in a black hoodie that contains the phrase “Everything will be OK” in a small white font across the front.
In the video, Miller starts to tell a story but stops and laughs with Grande when he realizes she’s recording him.
Miller was found dead in his California home at age 26. He and Grande dated for nearly two years before breaking up in May. Grande has since gotten engaged to Pete Davidson.
Grande had previously spoken publicly about her efforts to be there for Miller and support him in his sobriety. Miller frequently rapped about his struggles with drugs.
An official cause of death has not been announced.
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