The only time I’d ever advise reading another’s private journal is if you had strong suspicions that your daughter was at imminent risk for hurting herself or someone else.
Q My 8-year-old boy has had anger issues his entire life, just like his dad. We've all accepted that this is just the way he is, but I'm working on trying to get him to express his anger in good ways. I've tried teaching him about hitting a pillow, yelling and screaming in his room or using a punching bag, but he still lashes out at other kids or sometimes even at me.
A Unlike what you've read in popular psychology articles, it is not always healthy to express your anger. Instead, your son needs to learn not to let things irritate him.
Don’t accept his “anger issues” or excuse his behavior because he acts like his dad. Perhaps he may act differently if he saw his father deal with anger more appropriately. Speak with your family doctor about a referral to a cognitive-behavioral therapist who can work with your son.
Q My 17-year-old daughter demands that I allow her to smoke in front of me. She feels I am discriminating against her and not accepting her the way she is. I've had two family relatives die of lung cancer caused by smoking, and I just cannot tolerate my daughter picking up this terrible habit.
A Tell her the following: "I have spent my entire life trying to keep you safe. You've now decided to do something that will ultimately cause you to die an early and painful death. I love you too much to ever allow you to smoke in front of me. I will always be here to help you stop a habit that will cause you many serious health problems."
Gregory Ramey is a child psychologist and vice president of outpatient services at the Children’s Medical Center of Dayton.
Next week: The greatest danger to a marriage — and what to do about it.
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