This new power should mean only one thing: mandatory wigs. That’s wigs minus the ‘h’ history nerds. Whigs may be the sassiest name ever given to a political party, but the name is so mid 1850s.
Any legislation Boehner chooses to support would be a heck of a lot more interesting if he started wearing white powered wigs.
He’s already proven his might. The congressman from West Chester Twp. ordered the first ever restroom for women lawmakers.
The representative for all of Darke, Miami and Preble counties, most of Butler and Mercer counties, and the northeastern corner of Montgomery County is the right congressman for this job as well.
It is clear that John Boehner cares about hair — yours, mine and his.
A son of a Cincinnati-area barkeep, he famously mocked a flock of reporters’ hair, or lack of it, back in 2009. He jokingly called one guy bald, told another he needed a brush and bashed a female reporter for her ponytail.
With what appears to be a full head of hair growing from his scalp, Boehner doesn’t appear to need a hairpiece or wig. This makes him the perfect candidate to lead the wig revolution.
With a periwig made of the finest fibers, Boehner could help get Americans back to work. Wig manufactures will sprout up along the countryside. A new era of national ingenuity would be ushered in. Consider it the Industrial Revolution part wig.
Contact this columnist at (937) 225-2384 or arobinson@Dayton DailyNews.com.
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