And I have yet to master all the rules myself, such as when to use “who” and when to use “whom.” If I had written that book about the Spanish civil war, I might have called it “For Who the Bell Tolls.”
But the increasing abuse of our language is one of my pet peeves. It is, in fact, my favorite pet because it doesn’t leave yellow spots on our living-room carpet.
So I rant whenever I see an incorrectly placed apostrophe; Americans apparently have an irresistible urge to throw one in front of every “s” at the end of every word. Newspapers carry ads for Honda’s, Toyota’s and Ford’s. The daily special at one of my favorite diners last week was spaghetti and meatball’s.
And I rave every time I hear an otherwise well-educated person grapple with the mysteries of personal pronouns. College graduates say things such as, “Someone sent a bottle of Dom Perignon to my wife and I.” Or, “Her and I exchanged it for a six-pack of Bud Light.”
But I rant and rave when people use the words “have” and “got” as if they were interchangeable.” They’re not. Consider two commonly used phrases: “I GOT gas” implies that you just stopped at Speedway. “I HAVE gas” suggests you probably should cut down on your consumption of baked beans. For some reason, a lot of people don’t get it, though.
Recently, for instance, I was watching a rerun of “NCIS” in which Mark Harmon appears at the crime scene and asks the policeman in charge, “Whadda we got?” (Curiously, I have no problem with the word “whadda”).
The very next morning, in the comic strip “Pearls Before Swine,” Goat asks Pig, “What do you got there, Pig?” Which really disappointed me, because I always thought Goat was the smartest character in the strip.
Admittedly, none of these concerns compares in importance to the major issues of the day, such as how Bristol Palin will do on “Dancing With the Stars.” Still, I hope for a day when all God’s children, at least the ones who live in America, will be able to join hands to speak and write the English language correctly.
Some people might say I got a dream.
Contact D.L. Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com.
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