It’s like watching toddlers in tiaras wearing lipstick, foundation and eye shadow; chewing gum while standing on your head; or low-fat cheese.
Rings belong on fingers.
Toes should be free little naked piggies.
They are after all the beach bums of the human body.
Let them go to the market, stay home, eat roast beef, have no roast beef, or squeal all the way home.
Let the warm ocean water drip from their tips.
But don’t put a ring on them.
Toes and their place in our society comes to mind as we head into open toe season.
Bare toes and the feet they are attached to out of necessity and secret desire will be seen everywhere from barnyards to city streets.
Some toes will be hairy, others will be skinny. Still others will be ashy and in need of a hardy dose of lotion.
The toes that will confuse me the most will be adorned with jewelry.
These digits will get polished up and slipped into something shiny and perfectly round.
I’ll ponder the hidden purpose. Will a conspiracy be afoot?
Are toes trying to “single white female” fingers?
Come on, who do they think they are fooling and who do they think they are?
Fingers earn those rings. Toes just walk in off the street.
A toe can’t live the life of a finger and trust me, they really don’t want to.
Fingers type, grab stuff and perform tasks that would scare the creature underneath the toughest toes’ bed.
The being behind the curtain has been revealed to be a toe.
We are not fools by ringed toes and their hijinks.
The length and position on the body gives them away.
Besides, there is absolutely everything right about being a toe.
Toes help with walking and balance and can be as cute as buttons.
They have their admirers and are envied by many an ear lobe.
Oh, how ear lobes dream of being toes.
Toes should just be happy being the fingers of the foot and keep us upright and steady.
Contact this columnist at (937) 225-2384 or arobinson@Dayton DailyNews.com.
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