Q Who is the best umpire and the worst umpire you've seen in your career? Teddy, Phoenix.
A I'm prejudiced because I became friends with Satch Davidson of London, Oh., and Randy Marsh of Northern Kentucky, both great umpires. The guy I respected most was Doug Harvey because he was so authoritative and so intimidating that the players called him God. I became friends with him after his crew made a controversial call in Cincinnati and the next day the media was waiting for him outside the stadium. I warned him and showed him a different way into the stadium and he was forever grateful. Of course, I did it for a selfish reason. I got the scoop. Worst umpire? Can you make decision after decision after decision for three hours and never get one wrong? Only God Harvey did that. Just ask him.
Q You said Jonny Gomes could put up Adam Dunn numbers with a better batting average. Last I check, Dunn was hitting .281 with 37 homers. I doubt Gomes could put up those numbers. — Ron, Vandalia.
A Gomes has 20 home runs in 262 at-bats this year and is hitting .267, better than what Dunn normally hits. Give Gomes the 504 at-bats Dunn has and he'd have 37 homers, too. Probably more. Don't get me wrong. Love 'em both. Great guys, great players. I've added up my stock options, my social security, my pension and my 401-K and I still don't have enough to buy a team and acquire Dunn and Gomes.
Q All those good outfielders the Reds have on the roster and they have Wladimir Balentien in left field in the ninth? What gives with that? — Tim, Stuttgart, Germany.
A In defense of Balentien's iron glove, like singer Manfred Mann, he was Blinded by The Light. The ball in the ninth inning Friday that he missed disappeared into the lights. Even if he carried a Gold Glove, he couldn't catch that one once it was in the light beams. Maybe a pair of Oakleys might help. After all, ballplayers get 'em free.
Q Why were the Chicago Cubs wearing red hats against the Reds in Wrigley Field last weekend? I thought something was wrong with my TV. — Scott, Dayton.
A Didn't you check out SportsCenter? Every team in baseball wore red hats last weekend, a commemorative observance of 9/11. Since the Reds always wear red hats, you didn't notice them. But most of them have red faces these days, too, when they look at their batting averages and ERAs.
Q The pads on the back of the ankles must take stress off the legs and I was wondering when they started using them? — Bill, Villa Hills, Ky.
A Actually those pads are soft cushions for the catchers to sink posteriors into, sort of like couch cushions. They are relatively new. Johnny Bench once used a milking stool to sit on during spring training, but they would'nt let him use it in a game, fearing that the first baseman might eventually want a La-Z boy recliner and the three outfielders might want to chair a porch swing.
Q How can I get that black Hal McCoy t-shirt that I saw a gentleman wearing at Great American Ball Park on Hal McCoy Night? Nick, Cincinnati.
A Send me a check for $150 dollars. No, just kidding. That shirt was worn by my former sports editor Frank Corsoe. The paper made those for a special night they had for me at UD Arena after I was elected to the Hall of Fame. For Corsoe, that was really dressing up. Usually he wears a red shirt that once was white but is now covered with spaghetti stains.
Q What about this prediction for next year: Drew Stubbs 20 to 25 homers, Jay Bruce 20 to 24 homers and Jonny Gomes 25 to 30 homers? — Roger, Riverside.
A I'd say to quit eating so many stadium nachos that are giving you nightmares. If you believe that, I have a dog that sings Take Me Out to the Ballgame that I'll sell you for $10,000. First of all, who knows if Stubbs, Bruce and Gomes will be on the team next year. I'd wager my collection of yellowed Sporting News editions that all three won't be with the team. Maybe two, but not all three.
Q Why is Matt Maloney only seeing work as a fill-in starter, like to replace an injured Justin Lehr or a sick Johnny Cueto? Aren't they wasting starts on Lehr and Kip Wells? — Justin, Dayton.
A Being a charter member of the I Do Everything Lefthanded Club, I'm prejudiced on Maloney's behalf. I agree that Lehr and Wells have no future with the Reds. Maloney shows signs, even with a 1-4 record and a 5.36 ERA. The Reds need a fifth starter for next season, they have no lefthanders in the rotation and if they don't get one Southpaws Inc. plans a arm discrimation suit.
Q In your retirement, you should catch a Dayton Dragons game next year because it is kind of like the big leagues but with a little more speed, a little less power and a few more errors. — Charles, Dayton.
A Love the Dragons. Young players trying hard. Sounds to me as if they have a little less power and make a few more errors than most major-league teams, they already are ready for the Reds. My wife, Nadine, doesn't care. She loves Gapper and she loves Heater. She's a mascot maven.
Q If Bud Selig is such a compassionate man, why can't he forgive Pete Rose and quit torturing the man? Pete did a lot for baseball and gave you many stories and deserves to be somewhere in the Hall of Fame, not in the Hall of Shame. — Keith, Brookville.
A Pete put himself in the Hall of Shame and any torture is self-inflicted. Rose did a lot FOR the game and did even more TO the game. Yes, he gave me a lot of stories and most of the ones he gave me in 1989 I wish I never had to write. That was the year of the investigation and the banishment and was the worst journalistic period of my life — covering the games every day and asking Rose pointed questions about his gambling every day. For Rose, it was Kill the Messenger and I was the messenger.
Q Since you've reported some of your favorite road restaurants, what are some of your favorite Cincinnati restaurants? — Eric, Celina.
A Since I live in Dayton and commute back and forth for home games, I seldom eat in Cincinnati. When I do, it is Montgomery Inn for ribs, Jeff Ruby's for steaks (take money or a high-limit credit card), Dewey's for pizza and Five Guys & Fries for kicks. Jag's near West Chester is a nice hangout, even if you can no longer smoke cigars in there.
Q Bark in the Park is a wonderful idea and next year how about Winning Baseball in the Park? — Bob, Mt. Orab.
A Love Bark in the Park Night with all the dogs on the field and in the dugout. I'd love to bring my dog, Barkley, but once they saw him chase a ball they'd sign him to play left field. The Reds should have Guaranteed Win Night and give tickets away if they didn't win on that night. They'd fill the park over and over and over.
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