Kettering this week became the area’s first community to join the growing list of Ohio cities that have instituted bans on texting while driving. A bill pending in the state senate would ban the practice throughout the state that experts say increases the chance of auto crashes.
It is debatable that a ban is necessary. Texting while driving is dangerous, among other things some argue that we already have laws on the books that punish distracted drivers that cause accidents.
In any regard, there are lots of other bad, albeit less potentially deadly, times to send a text message.
These won’t leave you in a ditch, but they won’t win you any awards for smarts:
• Texting while drunk: Girlfriend, you don’t really want that you-know-what back. That’s the Long Island ice teas texting.
• Texting while juggling pool cues: You’re going to hit yourself in the head.
• Texting while eating jelly: I see a sticky situation in your future.
• Texting while walking downhill in 6-inch heels: Face bones aren’t made of rubber.
• Texting while running a marathon: Doing so would betray the spirit of Pheidippides, the famed messenger who ran from the Battle of Marathon to Athens in really olden times.
• Texting while typing: Pick one and go with it.
• Texting while wrestling an alligator: That alligator is going to wear you as a belt.
• Text in the throes of passion: I don’t even know if Paris Hilton would do that. OK, yeah she would.
• Texting after taking Nyquil: Whatcha textin’ bout Willis?
• Texting while making waffles: How will you ever explain the waffle marks burned into your hand.
• Texting while at the opera: People paid good money for those seats.
• Texting while talking while parallel parking: You are asking for it, mister.
• Texting while seeking the meaning of the universe: No one has reached enlightenment texting “ROTFL (rolling on the floor laughing)” or “CPF (Can pigs fly?).”
• Texting while watching a “Star Trek: The Next Generation” rerun: It is sinful to take your eyes off of Capt. Jean-Luc Picard.
Contact this columnist at (937) 225-2384 or arobinson@ DaytonDailyNews.com.
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