The speculation and the snickering continue in the wake of what one columnist has called Tiger Woods’ Cocktail Waitresses Across America Tour.
No. 1 on a Top 10 online list of Tiger jokes is, “What’s the difference between a golf ball and a car? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.”
Spirit Airlines immediately launched an “eye of the tiger” fare sale with a video showing a tiger in a baseball cap driving a car into a fire hydrant. Although the video is getting lots of views online, an airline ad referring to any type of crash would seem to be of questionable value.
But that’s not the only unanswered question as Tiger tries to play his way out of the woods.
How much will the car crash heard around the world hurt him financially? He’s already out $164 for the fine, not to mention whatever the deductible is on his car insurance.
He probably won’t have to take a second job to pay for that, but an estimated 80 percent of his income is derived from endorsements. How long will he be able to represent a company whose motto is Just Do It? Will Nike be happy to have its golf clubs thought of as having just the right balance to smash a car window?
And what percentage of the galleries will think less of him when he plays in his next tournament? Or will that depend upon the percentage in those galleries who haven’t had affairs of their own?
But the biggest question seems to be about how much Tiger “owes” us, the snickering public. Is he ever going to go on the Letterman show and tell us all about it, or are we going to have to conduct Congressional hearings?
Is an apology for not being “true to my values and the behavior my family deserves” enough, or are we entitled to more? Is it enough to admit that he may have been a bad husband and a bad driver, or do we deserve details?
“Tiger, our viewers need to know how many affairs there were.”
“Got any video for YouTube, Tiger?”
“C’mon, Tiger, open up. We’ve got newspapers to sell and blogs to fill.”
We cheered for him to sink those putts in the Masters and we bought the products he endorsed, the argument goes, so now he has to humiliate himself until we get tired of the story and find someone else to gossip about.
Confession is not only good for the soul, the PR experts are saying, it’s good for the bank account. If he doesn’t give us every last detail, we’ll stop buying his products and no longer permit him to be a role model for our children.
But Tiger Woods already has admitted that he’s human.
And that’s enough for me.
Contact D.L. Stewart at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com
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