These behaviors can take the form of emotional abuse, sarcasm, dishonesty, and name-calling. If your intimate other is behaving in a toxic manner toward you, you need to get help or get out of the relationship.
It may be true that this person was nice in the beginning. In toxic relationships, what often happens is that negative behaviors only emerge over time, and it can take a while to see that this person you have loved is becoming someone you no longer want or need to be around.
You may have felt a growing distance, or you may never have noticed a problem until they did something egregious. It can be a feeling thing, where you just wake up one morning and look at this person lying next to you, and wonder to yourself, why am I here with someone who is hurting me?
Allowing yourself to experience a barrage of meanness from someone who says they care about you is self-defeating. You may tell yourself that they’re just upset and will calm down. After a year or more of this kind of treatment, however, you need to see that things will only get worse if you continue to put up with it.
I am a champion of relationships. I believe that a good relationship can change your life for the better. But if you are being taken down by the words and deeds of a romantic partner, it’s time to reconsider what you’re doing in the relationship. If you do not protect yourself, you may become ill, numb, or disconnected, which will make dealing with every aspect of life more difficult.
Taking a positive stand and creating strong boundaries, where you do not accept toxic behaviors in your life, is an empowering start. It’s important to tell your partner what you are experiencing and how you are feeling. If they don’t want to heal this broken part of your relationship, you have your answer. If your partner is willing to do the work necessary to get back on a healthy track, then you should begin immediately.
You can watch some videos, Dr. Phil reruns, or even read a book together. Just remember that communication is the most important thing, and you need to get talking so the healing can begin. Start slow and get professional help if needed. And if nothing changes, then it’s time to move on.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of 8 books, and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 35 million readers. He is available for in-person & video consults world-wide, reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.
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