D.L. STEWART: A look at a ‘most beautiful women’ list

Credit: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

Credit: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

If there’s one thing at which the internet excels, it’s compiling and publishing lists. “Top Ten Cities for Seniors.” “Top Ten Cities for Gen X.” “Top 10 Cities for People Between the Ages of 32 and 34.” You name it, someone will list it.

It’s not always clear who makes these lists or how they determine them. And most of them are designed to lure you into clicking through pages of advertising under the guise of being “conversation starters.”

Recently I came across a site that seemed to consist entirely of lists, including (and I swear I’m not making these up): “7 Celebrities Who Were Killed By Their Own Fans,” “10 American Celebs With Ukrainian Roots” and “10 Foods That Look Like Human Body Parts.” I don’t know what kind of conversation would get started by dead celebrities or Ukrainian roots, although “foods that look like human body parts” probably is a pretty good way to end one.

On the other hand, one list on the site that might generate some lively debate was,

“10 Most Beautiful Women Of All Time.” So naturally I had to scroll down through the list to see where my wife placed.

Amazingly, none of the most beautiful women of all time existed before June 1, 1926, which is when Marilyn Monroe was born. Before then, apparently, humankind lived in what historians refer to as “the time of homely women.” In all fairness, women have been around lot longer than cameras, so there’s no evidence to confirm that Cleopatra looked anything like Elizabeth Taylor. Maybe Mark Antony just had the hots for women with buck teeth and warts on the ends of their noses.

But we live in a time when athletes who have played longer than three seasons are referred to as “legends” and singers who have recorded more than three albums are considered “icons.” So here, for what’s it’s worth, is the list of the “10 Most Beautiful Women Of All Time,” in no particular order:

— Lupita Nyong’o

— Blake Lively

— Emma Watson

— Brigitte Bardot

— Audrey Hepburn

— Natalie Portman

— Jessica Chastain

— Monica Bellucci

— Beyonce

— Marilyn Monroe

And online conversations the list has started so far include:

— “Emma Watson? Pulleaze give me a break,,,, she’s not even that cute.”

— “Bouncy, as I call her, thinks she’s the hottest thing alive, but she’s way out of her league.”

—” Hands down… Ruth Buzzi & Moms Mabley.”

Obviously, whoever drew up the list had to make some difficult choices and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Or other body parts. But a list of beautiful women that doesn’t include Margot Robbie (or my wife, with whom she’s frequently confused) can’t really be taken seriously.

End of conversation.

Contact this columnist at dlstew_2000@yahoo.com.

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