Spring break staycation: a fine mess


It’s spring break week. Someone please save me.

I’d love to say we are relaxing somewhere on a warm sunny beach, but even if we were on a beach, let’s be honest, with three kids in tow “relaxing” is probably not a likely description.

If you have read my past columns, then you know my definition of “vacation.” If you are a new reader, allow me to explain: A “vacation” means parents are relaxing on a warm sunny beach while their children are visiting their grandparents in an entirely different state (or planet).

A “trip” would imply that you are traveling to a different location with children and, other than the big scary mouse and his entourage of giant critters, not much is different because you are still up at the crack of dawn refereeing UFC-like matches.

“It’s my turn to sit by the window!”

“She threw glitter in my eyes!”

We are a family of travelers, and in the past have dared even to fly overseas with three kids under the age of 7, but this year spring break is a “staycation” or more accurately a “stay-at-home-trip.”

We have taken the kids out for various activities including a 3-D movie and dinner at their favorite Mexican restaurant, and we have more outings planned.

However, there are quite a few resemblances to an actual spring break excursion. It’s like being in college again.

Our home looks like a frat house, or, a Daytona Beach hotel room in the month of March, minus the sand.

There are crumbs and half-eaten food all over the place. There are people sleeping on the couch. The dogs (yes, two) are bloated with leftover pizza and making weird gagging noises. The music is too loud. No one has showered in at least three days. The coffee maker is spewing out an unidentified substance. Dishes are piled in the sink (in the bathroom). Clothes are strewn about (underwear included). The floor is sticky. Fights are breaking out and rear-ends hanging out (because, of course, fashionable toddlers also wear low-rider jeans) and I have a headache.

But, yet I stare with envy at the beach pictures on Facebook of families enjoying their spring break: their messy rooms being cleaned by magic genies that pop out of empty two-liters while parents chase their kids around the pool wielding SPF-90 sunscreen.

Toes in the sand and a drink in my hand? Ah, maybe next year. In the meantime you can find me collapsed in a chair and pulling out my hair.

Party on, spring breakers.


Reader Comments ...


Next Up in

How ‘Bad Boys’ became the ‘Cops’ theme song — and a youth anthem
How ‘Bad Boys’ became the ‘Cops’ theme song — and a youth anthem

You know the song. Everyone knows the song — and that’s in large part thanks to “Cops,” which has aired more than 1,000 episodes to date and is celebrating that milestone with a special Monday on Spike. Florida-based reggae group Inner Circle first released “Bad Boys” in 1987 before “Cops...
Why so many people are talking about sheet cakes today
Why so many people are talking about sheet cakes today

Tina Fey doesn't want "any more good people to get hurt" at planned rallies and protests from far-right groups. So, she has jokingly offered an alternative to attending these gatherings, a practice she calls "sheet caking."           "I would urge people this Saturday...
‘Twin Peaks’ actor arrested, accused of beating woman with baseball bat
‘Twin Peaks’ actor arrested, accused of beating woman with baseball bat

An actor who appeared in an episode of “Twin Peaks: The Return” has been arrested on a charge of attempted second degree murder after allegedly beating a woman with a baseball bat. According to a press release from the Spokane, Washington, police department, officers responded to a call from a local business around 5:40 p.m. Wednesday...
Elderberries ready for wine
Elderberries ready for wine

Above the arching jimson-weeds flare twos And twos of sallow-yellow butterflies, Like blooms of lorn primroses blowing loose, When autumn winds arise. — James Whitcomb Riley The Almanack Horoscope Moon Time: The Blackberry Moon reaches perigee, its position closest to Earth, on August 18, and becomes the new Cricket and Katydid Moon at 1:30 p...
Free AOL Desktop is being discontinued

If you’re still using the AOL Desktop program, keep in mind that the company is slowly discontinuing the free service. Last April, it started pushing random waves of users to upgrade to AOL Desktop Gold ($4.99 per month after a 30-day trial) or to instead use their free AOL.com services. At some point, they will stop email support on the older...
More Stories