breaking news

Severe T-storm watch, wind advisory in effect 

Welcome, Santa, but no elves, please!


I always enjoy reading things our children write. They have written creative stories: Super Hamster. They have written … uhm … horror stories: I Thro-Up. And they have even delved into imaginative, funny stories: “My turkey hates Thanksgiving. My turkey is bad. My turkey loves snow. My turkey loves driving cars.”

So, when our second-grade son wrote a letter to Santa Claus, I wasn’t surprised. I even had an inkling what he would be asking for, but I didn’t know how he planned to get it: “Dear Snata, lets make a deol if I be good…”

Let’s make a deal…? Really?

So, when he is acting like the Tasmanian Devil tearing through the house, our son is well aware that it is not behavior we desire from him. Why else would he want to make a deal with the jolly man from up north?

Oh, yes, because he wants an Elf on the Shelf, too, and he will do anything — even misbehave — to get one.

His letter continued: “Please bring a elf if I be bad.”

I despise Elf on the Shelf. Our son, however, thinks it is fabulous. Last year when I informed him that Santa doesn’t need to send an elf to our house because … well, just because he made his own elf out of a paper towel.

This year, though, a paper towel elf wasn’t going to cut it, so our son went right to the Santa-man himself.

But, no deal was made. An Elf on the Shelf did not arrive in our home yet again this December. And our son is trying everything to justify the need for one.

“Santa’s watching…” has none of the glorious effect that it used to in the weeks leading up to Christmas because nowadays Santa sends an Elf on the Shelf to spy on children in their homes.

This has been great for the Elf unemployment numbers, but disastrous for parents.

So, as Christmas day approaches, I refuse to give-in and bring in an Elf for backup:

Because what happens after Christmas? What happens after Creepy the Elf returns to the North Pole for the next 11 months?

If an imaginary creature is going to help me keep my kids in line, then he’s going to have to sign a 24/7/365 contract, just like me.

Merry Christmas!


Reader Comments ...


Next Up in

Garth Brooks’ donation helps K99.1FM raise $310,000 for hospital
Garth Brooks’ donation helps K99.1FM raise $310,000 for hospital

Garth Brooks and his fellow county music entertainer wife Trisha Yearwood helped K99.1FM’s “Cares for Kids” Radiothon gather a record $310,713 in its 20th year raising money for Dayton’s Children’s Hospital. Brooks’ and Yearwood’s matching of funds meant each dollar in that hour was quadrupled leading to a...
D.L. STEWART: ‘Last class’ creates plenty more room for concern

Boarding an airplane is traumatic for me. It has nothing to do with a fear of flying. I’ve managed to put that in the back of my mind, although any time there are 10 or more consecutive seconds of turbulence it vaults to the front of my mind. My concern is walking through the first class or business section and looking down on the passengers...
Coupon deals of the week
Coupon deals of the week

Coupon availability and coupon values may vary within different regions or neighborhoods. All Laundry Detergent This week at CVS, All laundry detergent is on sale for $2.99. Use the $1 off one All laundry detergent coupon found in most of today’s RedPlum inserts. Plus, if you have the CVS Pharmacy app on your smartphone, and have your Extra Care...
PARENTING WITH DR. RAMEY: Why kids don’t reveal sexual abuse

At my Catholic high school in Massachusetts, it was well known that a few of the clergy were molesting various boys. While several of my friends spoke about this informally, I said nothing to any adult. I assumed that since it was such common knowledge around the school, that people in authority accepted such behavior. I’ve been thinking of my...
Why you shouldn’t ignore hand and wrist arthritis
Why you shouldn’t ignore hand and wrist arthritis

What starts out as a dull, deep aching pain in the hand may eventually lead to a less impressive golf swing or the inability to open a jar lid. ››RELATED: Older people should screen for Hepatitis C The progressive pain is known as arthritis in the hand and wrist, and if not caught and treated early could mean permanent loss...
More Stories