You have reached your limit of free articles this month.

Enjoy unlimited access to

Starting at just 99¢ for 8 weeks.


  • ePAPER

You have read of premium articles.

Get unlimited access to all of our breaking news, in-depth coverage and interactive features. Starting at just 99c for 8 weeks.


Welcome to

Your source for Clark and Champaign counties’ hometown news. All readers have free access to a limited number of stories every month.

If you are a News-Sun subscriber, please take a moment to login for unlimited access.

Welcome, Santa, but no elves, please!

I always enjoy reading things our children write. They have written creative stories: Super Hamster. They have written … uhm … horror stories: I Thro-Up. And they have even delved into imaginative, funny stories: “My turkey hates Thanksgiving. My turkey is bad. My turkey loves snow. My turkey loves driving cars.”

So, when our second-grade son wrote a letter to Santa Claus, I wasn’t surprised. I even had an inkling what he would be asking for, but I didn’t know how he planned to get it: “Dear Snata, lets make a deol if I be good…”

Let’s make a deal…? Really?

So, when he is acting like the Tasmanian Devil tearing through the house, our son is well aware that it is not behavior we desire from him. Why else would he want to make a deal with the jolly man from up north?

Oh, yes, because he wants an Elf on the Shelf, too, and he will do anything — even misbehave — to get one.

His letter continued: “Please bring a elf if I be bad.”

I despise Elf on the Shelf. Our son, however, thinks it is fabulous. Last year when I informed him that Santa doesn’t need to send an elf to our house because … well, just because he made his own elf out of a paper towel.

This year, though, a paper towel elf wasn’t going to cut it, so our son went right to the Santa-man himself.

But, no deal was made. An Elf on the Shelf did not arrive in our home yet again this December. And our son is trying everything to justify the need for one.

“Santa’s watching…” has none of the glorious effect that it used to in the weeks leading up to Christmas because nowadays Santa sends an Elf on the Shelf to spy on children in their homes.

This has been great for the Elf unemployment numbers, but disastrous for parents.

So, as Christmas day approaches, I refuse to give-in and bring in an Elf for backup:

Because what happens after Christmas? What happens after Creepy the Elf returns to the North Pole for the next 11 months?

If an imaginary creature is going to help me keep my kids in line, then he’s going to have to sign a 24/7/365 contract, just like me.

Merry Christmas!

Reader Comments ...

Next Up in

Elephant ranch lets visitors bathe, feed, ride elephants
Elephant ranch lets visitors bathe, feed, ride elephants

A private central Florida elephant preserve offers a unique, hands-on experience to visitors. The Elephant Ranch allows tourists to get up close and personal with the majestic animals. >> Read more trending news The Two Tails Ranch located near Gainesville lets people feed, bathe and even ride the eight elephants living at the ranch. The nonprofit...
Idaho woman blames car crash on deer-chasing Bigfoot
Idaho woman blames car crash on deer-chasing Bigfoot

A northern Idaho woman blamed a car crash with a deer on a Sasquatch sighting last week. >> Read more trending news The woman told police she collided with the deer after spotting a Bigfoot on a highway near Potlatch near the Washington border, according to NBC Montana. The woman said the Sasquatch was chasing the deer Wednesday night along the...
D.L. Stewart: A non-review of ‘Beauty and the Beast’
D.L. Stewart: A non-review of ‘Beauty and the Beast’

Due to a number of factors, I’m not a movie critic. One factor is that I have a hearing loss, making it difficult to evaluate technical stuff, such as dialogue. Another is that apparently I don’t know the difference between great movies and mediocre ones. Take “Citizen Kane,” which virtually every critic agrees is the greatest...
Coupon deals of the week
Coupon deals of the week

Coupon availability and coupon values may vary within different regions or neighborhoods. Brut Deodorant This week at both Walgreens and Rite-Aid, Brut deodorant is on sale for $1.99. Use the $1 off one Brut deodorant coupon found in most of today’s SmartSource inserts and you will pay just 99 cents for this item. Clairol Hair Color This week...
4 things parents should never ignore

I spend lots of time talking with parents about how to get their kids to clean their rooms, complete their homework, and do routine household chores. I understand why these things matter to parents. They are important in some ways. One of the many challenges of being a parent is figuring out what to ignore, and what to discipline. We don’t want...
More Stories