You have reached your limit of free articles this month.

Enjoy unlimited access to SpringfieldNewsSun.com

Starting at just 99¢ for 8 weeks.

GREAT REASONS TO SUBSCRIBE TODAY!

  • IN-DEPTH REPORTING
  • INTERACTIVE STORYTELLING
  • NEW TOPICS & COVERAGE
  • ePAPER
X

You have read of premium articles.

Get unlimited access to all of our breaking news, in-depth coverage and interactive features. Starting at just 99c for 8 weeks.

X

Welcome to SpringfieldNewsSun.com

Your source for Clark and Champaign counties’ hometown news. All readers have free access to a limited number of stories every month.

If you are a News-Sun subscriber, please take a moment to login for unlimited access.

New stove is a recipe for disaster


Operating under the delusion that better tools will somehow make us better cooks and probably lead to our own show on the Food Network, my wife and I bought a professional-looking new stove with gas burners last week.

As any serious cook will tell you, a stove with gas burners has a number of advantages over a stove with electric burners. The most important advantage is that people who come to your house for dinner will be impressed when they see that you have a stove with gas burners, even if you serve them microwaved hot dogs.

The morning after our new stove is installed, I decide to inaugurate it with a breakfast of pancakes and sausage. I don’t actually like pancakes but, in addition to its four circular burners, the stove top has a rectangular griddle and it seems a shame not to use that for something.

I put the sausage links in a pan, cover the pan with an over-sized splatter screen and turn on the burner. Flames curl up around the pan, just like on those cooking shows we watch.

While the sausage links are browning, I mix the pancake batter. As I’m mixing the pancake batter, the curling flames reach the splatter screen, which starts smoking. I grab the splatter screen and toss it into the sink. If that ever happens again, I’d probably use a pot holder.

With the hand that isn’t starting to blister, I begin to ladle pancake batter onto the griddle. The ladling is interrupted by my wife inquiring, “Why is the griddle making a ticking noise?

“I have no idea.”

“Maybe we should read the instruction booklet.”

Taking time to read a booklet while something connected to a gas line ticks is not my first instinct. My first instinct is to run.

Besides, there is no instruction booklet. When I bought my electric toothbrush it came with a 24-page booklet — in three languages. But no instructions at all came with a device capable of blowing up my entire neighborhood.

I turn off the burner under the griddle.

A few seconds later, a second flame begins to curl around the sausage pan. This one is coming from the plastic end of the metal tongs that I have set on top of the stove next to the pan. By this time, the browning sausage is blackening, but I can’t remove them with the tongs because the tongs are on fire. So now I have a ticking griddle, burning sausage, flaming tongs and a blistering palm.

That evening we have microwaved hot dogs for dinner.


Reader Comments ...


Next Up in

How to stop the kids from destroying your home

Dear Kid Whisperer, I need help/advice to get my kids to stop destroying the house. They are ages 12, 7 and 3. I have to spend four hours cleaning if I want the house to be clean, and then they immediately wreck it again. They leave toys and crumbs everywhere, ignoring all limits we have placed on them. I’m pregnant right now and I really can&rsquo...
Coupon deals of the week
Coupon deals of the week

Coupon availability and coupon values may vary within different regions or neighborhoods. Black Forest Organic Candy This week at Walgreens, Black Forest Organic candy was on sale $2. Although you will pay this price upfront, when you check out you will receive $2 back in Register Rewards good off your next purchase. When you consider this savings...
4 ways to identify a lonely child

Twelve-year-old Josh and his mom had accomplished a lot during seven sessions of therapy. He was getting along better with his little sister, and his interactions with his mom were more positive. It wasn’t until I discussed terminating therapy that Josh finally told me how lonely he felt, which had never come up during our meetings. While Josh...
Turning a page on books about dogs
Turning a page on books about dogs

When my husband, Ed, and I adopted Teddy in 2014, we received numerous “dog” books from family and friends. RELATED » Karin Spicer on letting a dog sleep in owners’ bed The books ranged from understanding behavior (American College of Veterinary Behaviorists “Decoding Your Dog”) to dog games and tricks (Sophie Collins&rsquo...
Snapchat introduces location-sharing with Snap Map
Snapchat introduces location-sharing with Snap Map

Snapchat is introducing a new way to locate your friends with the Snap Map.  The social media platform announced the news this week, revealing that the location-sharing feature will allow friends to find each other or anyone in the world using its map.  “We've built a whole new way to explore the world! See what's happening, find your...
More Stories