You have reached your limit of free articles this month.

Enjoy unlimited access to SpringfieldNewsSun.com

Starting at just 99¢ for 8 weeks.

GREAT REASONS TO SUBSCRIBE TODAY!

  • IN-DEPTH REPORTING
  • INTERACTIVE STORYTELLING
  • NEW TOPICS & COVERAGE
  • ePAPER
X

You have read of premium articles.

Get unlimited access to all of our breaking news, in-depth coverage and interactive features. Starting at just 99c for 8 weeks.

X

Welcome to SpringfieldNewsSun.com

Your source for Clark and Champaign counties’ hometown news. All readers have free access to a limited number of stories every month.

If you are a News-Sun subscriber, please take a moment to login for unlimited access.

breaking news

John Glenn, the 'last true national hero,' dead at 95

New stove is a recipe for disaster


Operating under the delusion that better tools will somehow make us better cooks and probably lead to our own show on the Food Network, my wife and I bought a professional-looking new stove with gas burners last week.

As any serious cook will tell you, a stove with gas burners has a number of advantages over a stove with electric burners. The most important advantage is that people who come to your house for dinner will be impressed when they see that you have a stove with gas burners, even if you serve them microwaved hot dogs.

The morning after our new stove is installed, I decide to inaugurate it with a breakfast of pancakes and sausage. I don’t actually like pancakes but, in addition to its four circular burners, the stove top has a rectangular griddle and it seems a shame not to use that for something.

I put the sausage links in a pan, cover the pan with an over-sized splatter screen and turn on the burner. Flames curl up around the pan, just like on those cooking shows we watch.

While the sausage links are browning, I mix the pancake batter. As I’m mixing the pancake batter, the curling flames reach the splatter screen, which starts smoking. I grab the splatter screen and toss it into the sink. If that ever happens again, I’d probably use a pot holder.

With the hand that isn’t starting to blister, I begin to ladle pancake batter onto the griddle. The ladling is interrupted by my wife inquiring, “Why is the griddle making a ticking noise?

“I have no idea.”

“Maybe we should read the instruction booklet.”

Taking time to read a booklet while something connected to a gas line ticks is not my first instinct. My first instinct is to run.

Besides, there is no instruction booklet. When I bought my electric toothbrush it came with a 24-page booklet — in three languages. But no instructions at all came with a device capable of blowing up my entire neighborhood.

I turn off the burner under the griddle.

A few seconds later, a second flame begins to curl around the sausage pan. This one is coming from the plastic end of the metal tongs that I have set on top of the stove next to the pan. By this time, the browning sausage is blackening, but I can’t remove them with the tongs because the tongs are on fire. So now I have a ticking griddle, burning sausage, flaming tongs and a blistering palm.

That evening we have microwaved hot dogs for dinner.


Reader Comments ...


Next Up in

Police officer mans Salvation Army kettle, shows off dance moves
Police officer mans Salvation Army kettle, shows off dance moves
He's got the moves to serve and protect. But a police officer in Cleveland, Tennessee, used some other moves to help raise money for the local chapter of the Salvation Army.
Someone put up a ‘satanic display’ in Boca Raton
Someone put up a ‘satanic display’ in Boca Raton
A “satanic display” of a pentagram with a nearby banner and sign were placed in Sanborn Square in Boca Raton, Florida, overnight and are causing a stir in the surrounding faith community, according to a local church.
Christmas in the Village is in third decade
If it takes a village to raise the Christmas spirit, one area town has had it covered for more than 30 years.
Food for body and soul
Each traditional holiday dish has a fascinating history. Our beloved green bean and mushroom soup casserole topped with French fried onions, for example, was created by Dorcus Reilly, a Campbell Soup Company employee, in 1955.
Tom Brady takes Christmas 'to the next level' with giant tree
Tom Brady takes Christmas 'to the next level' with giant tree
People across the country are buying and decorating Christmas trees, and Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is no different.
More Stories