What Big 12 football teams would look like as national pizza chains

Feb 09, 2018
  • By Joe Buettner
  • Diehards

It’s National Pizza Day, or at least that’s what we’ve been told.

It got us wondering — and salivating — what each Big 12 football team would look like as a national pizza chain, and we think we may have found the answers.

Brett Deering/Getty Images

Oklahoma / Papa Johns

Oklahoma and Papa Johns are huge national brands. Both are one of the first names to come up as “the best” in their respective fields once you eliminate your local pizza places that you swear are the best even though they stop delivering after 8 p.m.

Better players. Better coaches. Boomer Sooner.

Texas / Sbarro

These two have been around forever, and everything is bigger with them. You can find them at any mall — seriously, I consistently find more Texas apparel outside of the state of Texas than any other school. And yes, they’ve fallen on hard times. But you loved them when you were a kid. Maybe it’s not the best product. But you know the name. And that’s all Tom Herman cares about.

Oklahoma State / Little Caesars

A hot and ready offense like Oklahoma State’s is a fun time every now and then. The Pokes occasionally have some amazing undiscovered talent — like Little Caesars and its unheralded side dish, Italian cheese bread. It’s always in the conversation for what to do on a Saturday night. But at the end of day/season, it simply doesn’t … puts on sun glasses … deliver.

Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

TCU / Pie Five

Not enough people give either of these products based out of Fort Worth, Texas, their due credit. Often forgotten in the mess of the Papa Johns’ and Pizza Huts of the world, this is seriously a legitimate contender for the best national pizza chain. The only problem? They’re constantly overlooked and they really just came around this decade.

Baylor / Domino’s

It has its moments. Both have certainly in recent years tried to repair its image by switching up the recipe — Domino’s literally changed its recipe not too long ago and Baylor brought in Matt Rhule to change the culture in Waco, Texas. It’s fighting an uphill battle with more contenders rising up, but have you seen that 2018 recruiting class? The Bears are doing just fine. A quick Google search also tells us Domino’s’ stock is up.

West Virginia / Chuck E. Cheese

In theory, it seems like a fun place to take your kids until you actually get there. The product is okay, but it’s nothing special. This is a kid’s place after all. The Big 12 Conference is a “big boy” league. And until this place proves it has grown up and gets rid of the gimmicks, it’s not much of a contender.

Texas Tech / Cici’s

It’s typically best served on its home turf. I mean, you can take it out on the road, but it’s just not the same. Both can fill up on points/pizza really quickly. But in the end, it simply doesn’t match the bigger chains.

Brett Deering/Getty Images

Iowa State / Blaze Pizza

It’s up and coming. You’re not really sure where or what it is until you get there. But it’s a purer brand with a structure. It just needs the right person to make it into a national power … oh and would you look that, LeBron James/Matt Campbell.

Kansas State / Digiorno

It’s fundamentally sound, but history is not on its side. Both are loved by the common man simply wanting a taste of football/pizza if it’s on television/out in front of you. And sure, that often times can be a serviceable option. It’s just not ever going to get the job done like a Papa John’s.

Kansas / Red Baron

Just … no. Never.

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