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D.L. Stewart

D.L. Stewart has been writing his nationally-syndicated columns for Dayton Newspapers since 1975 and he plans to continue doing them until he gets one right.Some of his columns are humorous, some are insightful and he hopes his readers can tell the difference.D.L. (that's his actual legal name) is a native of Cleveland, a graduate of The Ohio University and a five-time Pulitzer Prize loser. He focuses on his family, his Yorkie, the Cleveland Browns and other oddities of life.

Latest from D.L. Stewart

Let’s have a cheer for the Amherst Hamsters
 Amherst, a tiny college of 1,795 really smart scholars in Massachusetts, made news last year when the board of trustees voted to drop Lord Jeffs as its athletic teams’ unofficial mascot. Lord Jeffery Amherst, historians discovered, was not necessarily a nice person. The 18th century British general reportedly once suggested giving smallpox-infested...

Posted: 4 days ago

Amherst, a tiny college of 1,795 really smart scholars in Massachusetts, made news last year when the board of trustees voted to drop Lord Jeffs as its athletic teams’ unofficial mascot. Lord Jeffery Amherst, historians discovered, was not necessarily a nice person. The 18th century British general reportedly once suggested giving smallpox-infested...
A tale of two tails decides dogged debate
 In a clinical trial, I’ve settled the debate about whether it is better to have one dog or two. Two-dog advocates say having a pair of dogs is good because they’ll keep each other company. One-dog fans figure two dogs just mean twice as many vet bills to pay, twice as much food to buy and twice as much food byproducts to clean...

Posted: 11 days ago

In a clinical trial, I’ve settled the debate about whether it is better to have one dog or two. Two-dog advocates say having a pair of dogs is good because they’ll keep each other company. One-dog fans figure two dogs just mean twice as many vet bills to pay, twice as much food to buy and twice as much food byproducts to clean...
Reflecting upon 50 years of unimportance
 A new year being the traditional time to ponder what has passed and what is yet to come, it seems fitting to mention I’ve just finished my 50th year writing for Dayton newspapers. It’s a career that started in the sports department reporting on hockey, about which I knew next to nothing. And golf, about which I knew even less...

Posted: 18 days ago

A new year being the traditional time to ponder what has passed and what is yet to come, it seems fitting to mention I’ve just finished my 50th year writing for Dayton newspapers. It’s a career that started in the sports department reporting on hockey, about which I knew next to nothing. And golf, about which I knew even less...
Beautiful white snow — the silent killer

Posted: 25 days ago

As we gazed out the window at the pristine snow drifting gently down from the heavens last week, turning our patio into a sparkling picture of winter loveliness suitable for a Hallmark card, I turned to my wife and said one heartfelt word: “Arizona.” Which is the same heartfelt word I use every year when the first snow falls,...
Lets give three cheers for cheerleading
 In a shocking development last week, the latest Olympics news had nothing to do with doping. Instead, the International Olympic Committee announced it has given provisional recognition to: Cheerleading. Exactly what that means is not yet clear, but it raises the possibility that future Olympiads could include teams of lithe young women building...

5:00 AM Saturday, Dec. 17, 2016

In a shocking development last week, the latest Olympics news had nothing to do with doping. Instead, the International Olympic Committee announced it has given provisional recognition to: Cheerleading. Exactly what that means is not yet clear, but it raises the possibility that future Olympiads could include teams of lithe young women building...
On some Sundays, cooking beats football
 On a Sunday in which my favorite pro football team was not scheduled to embarrass itself on television, my good friend Bill asked how I planned to spend that afternoon. “I’m going to cook,” I said. “You COOK?” he replied in the same tone he might have used if I’d said I was going to spend the afternoon...

5:00 AM Saturday, Dec. 10, 2016

On a Sunday in which my favorite pro football team was not scheduled to embarrass itself on television, my good friend Bill asked how I planned to spend that afternoon. “I’m going to cook,” I said. “You COOK?” he replied in the same tone he might have used if I’d said I was going to spend the afternoon...
It costs a lot of money to look poor

5:00 AM Saturday, Dec. 03, 2016

Fashion is funny. Or maybe “goofy” is a better word for it. People who can afford the finest fabrics fill their closets with denim apparel, which used to be worn mostly by the children of blue-collar workers. They pay premium prices for shredded and tattered jeans, which look a great deal like the ones previously worn by the children...
Didn’t vote? Then just shut up!

5:00 AM Saturday, Nov. 26, 2016

As Americans, we all have the right of protest to make our opinions known. Football players are free to kneel during the playing of the National Anthem at NFL games. Actors on Broadway are permitted to lecture a vice president-elect who attends their performance. People purporting to be Christians are allowed to wave their ugly homophobic...
Would you rather live in Svalbard?

5:00 AM Saturday, Nov. 19, 2016

If you’re one of those Americans threatening to leave the country now that Donald Trump has been elected, I have one word for you: Svalbard. Although that may sound like the name of a character in a Harry Potter book, Svalbard (pop. 2,642) is an actual place located somewhere in the vicinity of Norway and it’s mentioned on some...
Who’s coming home for the holidays?

5:00 AM Saturday, Nov. 12, 2016

Getting the family together for the holidays used to be a simple affair. Each Thanksgiving and Christmas the whole mob would descend on our house, whether we wanted them to or not. But in the age of blended families, fractured families and coast-to-coast careers, it’s become a logistical nightmare. My stepson, his wife and their baby...
Still hungry after all these years

4:00 AM Saturday, Nov. 05, 2016

This wasn’t the column I had hoped to write. It was supposed to be about how the famine had ended for Cleveland, the city in which I grew up and learned the important lessons of life, including the value of hard work, the necessity of education and the importance of rooting against the despicable New York Yankees. It was to be about...