Healthy dose of self-respect will let you live happier life

6:54 PM Saturday, March 13, 2010

The dynamics of a personal relationship can be as unique as the two people who shape it. Once formed, there are many elements that determine the direction a relationship will take.

Whether rooted in friendship, love, work or family, healthy relationships are based on a sense of respect that begins with the respect of oneself. How a person treats another is very revealing regarding the level of self-respect that person possesses.

A self-respecting woman (or man) accepts and likes the person she is inside. She recognizes her own strengths, abilities and worth, without needing reaffirmation from the people around her.

She accepts responsibility for her own actions, and tends not to be concerned over what others might perceive as her faults or weaknesses.

While the self-respecting man (or woman) may strive to be the best he can be, his ego is neither inflated because of success, nor deflated due to failure. The value of his being is not linked to experiences in life. This is because where self-respect exists, confidence and self-worth also reside.

When he feels this type of personal value, he is able to accept himself “as is” and naturally extends respect, acceptance and understanding toward others. He neither tries to change other people, nor expects them to be what he wants them to be.

By nature, like-minded people gravitate toward each other. Because of this, the person with self-respect will usually choose not to be in relationship with those who treat others poorly, are disrespectful toward other people, or are demeaning in word and action.

According to studies, those with a healthy dose of self-respect tend to live happier, more peaceful lives. They are less prone to blame, guilt, mistrust, regret, lies, secrets and stress. These are behaviors and traits present in those lacking self-respect.

Low doses of self-respect can lead a man (or woman) to be more defensive, critical and controlling in nature. He is unlikely to admit to weaknesses or imperfections in himself, and very likely to project his lack of acceptance or need for perfection onto others.

A lack of self-respect can also create a woman (or man) who becomes increasingly needy, easily manipulated and a victim/martyr (a people pleaser who pushes her own needs aside in unsuccessful attempts to make others happy).

Since a woman (or man) with low or no self-respect cannot find happiness inside of herself, she will look for other people to produce happiness for her. What she most likely does not realize is that no other person can be, or do, what is needed to keep her happy.

Again, since like-minded people are drawn to each other, when those with low self-respect come together, their relationship is built on unhealthy expectations and limited truths. It can be a destructive cycle where happiness is fleeting and hurt abounds.

If you are living such an existence and desire to break this cycle, it is time to find a sense of value and respect for yourself. The first step is to get honest with yourself and stop hiding your true self from the view of others.

Honor your thoughts by expressing and standing by them, regardless of whether others agree with you. This can be difficult at first, but the more you practice being yourself, the more relaxed you will become at doing so.

Recognize that you have worthwhile talents and abilities, regardless of whether someone else thinks you do. If you are unsure of what your abilities are, explore new interests and give yourself opportunities to discover the strengths that reside inside of you.

Stand up for yourself and your principles. If someone shows you disrespect, tell them it is unacceptable and that they need to stop. If they do not honor your wishes, remove yourself from their company.

Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Enjoy the person you were created to be. Remind yourself of these important factors every day.

The more you honor the best parts of yourself, the more other people will honor you too. In building self-respect, you set the tone for healthy relationships and lasting happiness that will emanate from the inside out.

Dr. James Perry is CEO of Mental Health Services for Clark County.

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