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Johnson: Vanity, thy name is ‘Tailgater’

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By Linda Johnson, Contributing Writer Updated 8:24 PM Saturday, February 6, 2010

About a year ago, I wrote about the precise locations of speed limit changes at the city boundaries. Last summer, I wrote a column about vanity plates I’ve observed, and just a few weeks ago I wrote about driving etiquette.

Ladies and gentlemen, this week, for your reading entertainment, I will attempt to juggle all three at once.

On my commute Monday morning, a driver in a red SUV, weary of riding my tail pipe while I adhered to the posted speed, passed me before we approached the sign showing the increase of speed limit south of Urbana.

I extended my finger (the index one) and pointed to the speed limit sign — my first chuckle. The second chuckle came when he merged in front of me and I noted his vanity plate.

I scrutinized the vehicle for the rest of my commute as he became blocked by a minivan. Since traffic from the south was heavy, I noted his brake lights were tested several times.

The SUV took Springfield Pike while I took the expressway, but we re-met as I merged from Ohio 334. This time, he jockeyed from lane to lane for best positioning. He stopped at the next light while my pace allowed me to get through the light without braking. The SUV passed me again, but was stopped at another light at Home Road.

I shook my head over the numerous energies wasted.

Tuesday evening, I was driving west on Scioto when a car pulled out from a drive. I was driving the speed limit, but had to brake to avoid a close unpleasant relationship.

I thought traffic laws allow that if I have to brake, you should not have pulled out in front of me.

Again, the offending vehicle sported a vanity license plate. I’m not going to say what the plates were, but the name ‘vanity plate’ seems particularly apt in the case of both drivers.

I have an idea for a new vanity plate for similar drivers: Whiz dumb.

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