Should 9-year-old boy get paid for cleaning his room?

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By Gregory Ramey 3:47 PM Friday, October 16, 2009

Q: I want to teach my 9-year-old to take some responsibilities for routine chores around the house. He doesn’t get an allowance, so I told him I’d pay him weekly for doing a few simple things like taking out the trash, vacuuming and keeping his room clean.

My husband thinks my son shouldn’t get paid for doing these things, but should do them on his own. Who’s right?

A: Having children assume responsibilities around the house is a great idea, but I agree with your husband on this one. The jobs you are asking your son to do are part of his responsibilities of being a member of the family. No one pays you for cooking, cleaning or doing the laundry. Why should your son get paid for doing his share of such work?

Q: My 7-year-old daughter is very close to my mother. Unfortunately, we recently learned that my mom has dementia. My daughter has already noticed some changes with her grandma and I’m not sure how to explain such a complicated illness to a young child. I’m also worried about what effect this will have on their relationship.

A: This is a tough situation not only for your mom, but also for you and the entire family. It’s important to talk with your daughter about your mom’s illness, helping your child understand that some of her grandmother’s forgetful or odd behaviors are due to an illness.

Kids sometimes do better by reading children’s books about similar situations. Such stories may encourage your daughter to talk about her own feelings regarding her grandma. This is also an opportunity to help your daughter understand there are ways that she could now assist her grandmother, just as grandma has helped her in the past.

Q: We just got the interim report card from school and my child is getting mostly “C” grades in a very competitive school district. I’ve had my son tested twice; he has an average IQ and his grades are consistently within the expected range for his learning ability.

My son is a great kid, but I feel bad for him as his grades are lower than most of his friends and much lower than his older brother. How do I get him to accept the fact not everyone can be a straight “A” student?

A: Encourage your son to talk about things that are of interest to him rather than focusing a great deal of attention on the letter grades. See what subjects excite him and encourage his involvement in activities outside of school.

It’s important for you and your son to realize that students with a “C” average can be successful in college and pursue a meaningful career. While not diminishing the importance of his school grades, continue to let him know how proud you are of other aspects of behavior, including the way he treats other people, his values, hobbies and his relationship with you and others.

Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey.

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