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Romance goes cold after proposal is rejected

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By Cheryl Lavin, Contributing Writer 7:46 PM Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Dear Cheryl: My friend is suffering from a broken heart. She won’t listen to anything I say, but she reads your column regularly and may listen to you.

She went back to her small town for her 25th high-school reunion and reconnected with a fellow she grew up with. They started dating almost immediately, making a long commute each way, but neither of them seemed to mind. She was twice divorced, and he was divorced once. She told me quite happily early on in their relationship that they were in total agreement that they didn’t want any commitment. Famous last words!

Things were hot and heavy for over a year. Then she told me he’d popped the question. She answered, “Oh, no, I don’t believe in marriage! I’ll never make that mistake again!” Then she scolded him for forgetting their “no-commitment” agreement.

They agreed to continue as before, but it was the beginning of the end. He called less and less often and then stopped altogether.

Now she’s hurting. She says he’s like all the other men in her life, who leave her. I said he was probably very hurt about her turning down his proposal, even though he said he wasn’t. She goes on and on about how heartbroken she is, but still says she would never consider getting married again. I don’t think marriage was the problem; I think it was the two men she was married to. What do you think? — Good Friend

Dear Good Friend: Let’s call your friend Jill and her ex-boyfriend Jack.

Here’s what I think happened. Jack was being honest when he said he didn’t want a commitment. But then he fell in love and changed his mind — it happens! — then he proposed.

He believed if she loved him as much as he loved her, she’d want to marry him.

Jill is foolish to see herself as the wronged party. If she doesn’t want to marry again, that’s her business. But Jack didn’t leave her — she rejected him.

Sexless marriage

Lonely but Not Alone wrote in recently about her sexless marriage.

Gretchen: “My ex-husband was the same way. We had sex once a month — at the most — but only because I begged and annoyed him so much he would give in just to shut me up.

“Trust me. There wasn’t another woman or man. He just wasn’t into sex. Luckily, I was young enough and didn’t have any kids, so I was able to leave him after counseling didn’t work and he refused to see a doctor. Thank God I did. Let’s just say his new wife has the same problem with him. LBNA should run if her husband won’t do anything about their sex life.”

Got a problem? Send it to cheryllavinrappgmail.com.

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