McGinn: Why do I have hair growing out of my ears?

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Now, these people I know: Lionel Richie, Daryl Hall, Quincy Jones, Paul Simon and Stevie Wonder record "We Are the World" back in 1985. Justin Bieber was eight years away ... from even being conceived.

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By Andrew McGinn, Staff Writer Updated 12:47 AM Friday, February 26, 2010

’Twas a decade ago come April when I walked out of Rosemary Clooney’s show at Kuss Auditorium — one of my first shows as a cub critic — and famously wrote that she was “a grizzled singer who’s lucky to still have a pulse.”

Then I proceeded to explain how much the crowd loved the show.

But not before pointing out that Clooney hobbled from the wings, propped herself against the piano and gasped for air between bars.

In short, my review basically said, “You might have enjoyed the show, all you old people of Springfield, but let’s talk about how you’re going to be dead soon.”

When you’re barely a year out of college, you think nothing of taking shots at your elders (without even realizing you’ve just taken a shot).

It just slips out, all because at 23, the aging process has only worked in your favor.

Up to that point, you’ve done nothing but gain — your license, a diploma, a degree, a mate, a career, facial hair, a son.

You’ve yet to start losing stuff — hair, a mate, bowel control, your license.

So it was as easy for me, in 2000, to essentially call Rosemary Clooney a bloated invalid as it must’ve been in 1965 for Pete Townshend of The Who to scribble out the lyrics to “My Generation.”

“I hope I die before I get old.”

And then it happens — you suddenly begin to see life as if you’re watching one of those time-lapse videos of food being overtaken by mold.

You call home and Dad can’t talk because he’s trying to pass a kidney stone.

You see your little brother, who’s four years younger, and damn if he isn’t balding.

Your wife encourages you to start using one of her moisturizers, pointing out that you now have “crows’ feet,” whatever those are.

You see a picture of the bassist from Nirvana — the defining band of your youth — and you’re shocked, not so much by how pudgy he’s gotten or by how much hair he’s lost, but by the fact that he’s wearing a suit and tie.

When did everybody get so old?

Why do I have hair growing out of my ears?

Why do I fall asleep in the chair at 9?

During The Who’s Super Bowl halftime show, all I could think about was how ancient Townshend looked — and how many kidney stones he might’ve passed between then and when I saw The Who in Cleveland in 2000.

Poor man.

I bought a bottle of wine the other day and the checker didn’t even ask to see my I.D.

Just 10 years ago, when I started this job, people often would ask if I was the paper’s intern.

Can mold grow that fast?

What’s happening to me?

I recently watched the “We Are the World 25: For Haiti” video and, good Lord, who the hell are some of these people?

Kid Cudi? Trey Songz? Drake? Iyaz? Justin Bieber?

I thought Orianthi was a species of migratory bird.

Fearing the worst, I loaded up the original “We Are the World” video on YouTube.

There’s Hall and Oates!

Huey Lewis!

Steve Perry of Journey!

My God.

I’ve been bypassed.

There are actually singers who’ve become famous (apparently) without me even knowing.

Should I even note that I owned the original “We Are the World” single on 45?

Listen, I’m sorry I once wished death upon Rosemary Clooney.

I’m sorry because I’d very much like the Elderly United van to come pick me up for my next doctor appointment — and I don’t like the idea of bad blood between us seniors.

Contact this reporter at (937) 328-0352 or amcginn@coxohio.com.

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