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Informative and entertaining breaking news humor from The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Holy molar!
It’s news sure to upset fans of The Beatles and human decency, but a dentist wants to sequence the DNA of deceased rocker John Lennon and eventually clone him.
According to a press release, Canadian "tooth collector" Dr. Michael Zuk purchased Lennon's rotten molar at auction for $32,000. Since Canada banned human cloning before it was proven possible, DNA is now being extracted at Penn State University, where all kind of terrible things happen.
“I am nervous and excited at the possibility that we will be able to fully sequence John Lennon’s DNA, very soon I hope. With researchers working on ways to clone mammoths, the same technology certainly could make human cloning a reality,” said Zuk. “… To potentially say I had a small part in bringing back one of rock’s greatest stars would be mind-blowing.”
Clearly this man must be stopped before someone gets the idea to clone Justin Bieber.
Zuk, in other reports, has said, “Many Beatles fans remember where they were when they heard John Lennon was shot. I hope they also live to hear the day he was given another chance.”
Despite my boyish wish of creating a personal copy of the version of Cindy Crawford that appeared in a calendar that stayed on my wall for seven years, I now believe the cloning of people should be banned unless the person to be cloned, say Ted Williams, personally requests it.
If the news has not yet been disturbing enough, there's more at JohnLennonTooth.com,where Zuk poses with the rotten molar. A closeup of the tooth makes me doubt the musical legend was as good with a toothbrush as he was with a guitar.
Rock-n-Roll clones don’t come cheap. Zuk is actively seeking donations, but believes Lennon’s DNA is “easily worth over 25 million dollars or more to the right company.”
Collecting and preserving the parts of dead people runs in the family.
The dentist's sister, Kirsten Zuk, included a tiny piece of the tooth in a clay sculpture she made of the rock star that looks nothing like him.
"This is like a time-capsule. It will contain his DNA," she said in The Edmonton Sun.
A Canada.com article claims Lennon, in the 1960s, gave the tooth to his housekeeper Dot Jarlett. Lennon, according to Jarlett's son, had this weird reverse fairy tale idea where a kid might appreciate receiving the tooth of a stranger.
The tooth traversed the Atlantic about 42 years ago when the daughter made the mistake of marrying a Canadian. If my math is correct, that’s the same year (1971) that the parts of Lennon that were not the tooth moved to New York City, and about a year after The Beatles fell to pieces.
The tooth returned to England upon being purchased by collector Alan McGee, former boss of Creation Records.
Maybe that should have been Recreation Records?
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