I’d be the first to admit I am very far from Skyline Chili’s biggest fan, but
Burneko ripped Skyline (and all of Ohio really) a new one in his piece outlining the best “regional foodstuffs.”
In his colorful rant, Burneko says Cincinnati-style chili rips whoever eats it a new one.
”Cincinnati chili is the worst, saddest, most depressing goddamn thing in the world. If it came out of the end of your digestive system, you would turn the color of chalk and call an ambulance, but at least it’d make some sense. The people of Ohio see nothing wrong with inserting it into their mouths, which perhaps tells you everything you need to know about the Buckeye State. Don’t eat it. Don’t let your loved ones eat it. Turn away from the darkness, and toward the deep-dish pizza,” he concluded.
Burneko ranks Skyline in ‘Ohio place,’ which is behind ‘being hit by a car place.’
He also finds it more revolting than, and these are his words, “Not having any authentic local culture to speak of (Nevada)” and “a f$%king steamed f#$king cheeseburger (Connecticut).”
“The only thing “chili” about it is the shiver that goes down your spine when you watch Ohio sports fans shoveling it into their maws on television and are forced to reckon with the cold reality that, for as desperately as you might cling to faltering notions of community and universality, ultimately your fellow human beings are as foreign and unknowable to you as the surface of Pluto, and you are alone and always have been and will die alone, a world unto yourself unmarked and unmapped and totally, hopelessly isolated,” he wrote.
In my personal opinion is Skyline Chili the greatest thing since sliced bread dipped in olive oil and Parmesan cheese? No.
But is it “abominable garbage-gravy?”
Skyline is OK enough and I understate why people who grew up eating it love it so much.
It is sweet. It is carby. It is comfort food.
Skyline was aware of Burneko’s less than elegant prose.
“After 64 years, we feel fortunate to be able to serve up coneys and ways to our loyal customers and we look forward to doing that for many years to come,” Sarah Sicking, director of marketing for Skyline Chili, said in a statement.
Burneko ranked Chicago-style deep dish pizza as the No. 1 regional food in America, which says a lot about his creativity.
Deep dish pizza is very good… but come on, buddy, it is far from the best.
The whole thing leaves me wondering if a girl from Ohio - a Skyline Chili employee perhaps - called
Burneko a ‘poo poo stinky head’ or something.
Contact this blogger at arobinson@DaytonDailyNews.com or Twitter.com/DDNSmartMouth