ALEC BALDWIN SAYS HE’S LEAVING PUBLIC LIFE: He’s taking career advice from Shia LaBeouf.
KISS WON’T PERFORM AT ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME INDUCTION CEREMONY: They found out they would actually have to play.
MILEY CYRUS KISSES KATY PERRY DURING CONCERT STOP IN L.A.: Perry later seen gargling Clorox.
ERIN ANDREWS TO CO-HOST “DANCING WITH THE STARS”: On the condition that Richard Sherman is not a contestant.
PAULA DEEN SAYS SHE’S “BACK IN THE SADDLE”: Demands the horse be white.
DENNIS RODMAN NORTH KOREA MISSION TO BECOME FOX MOVIE: Kim Jong Un will be played by the kid in “Up.”
TAMRON HALL NAMED THIRD-HOUR “TODAY SHOW” CO-HOST: Or as Kathy Lee calls it, “Happy Hour.”
MOVIEFONE SHUTS DOWN PHONE SERVICE: So now it’s just “Movie.”
ROBIN THICKE, PAULA PATTON ANNOUNCE SPLIT: Blame irreconcilable differences, twerking.
HAROLD RAMIS DIES AT 69: Leads march to Pearly Gates with “Do Wah Diddy.”
BECK WILL STREAM “MORNING PHASE” FOR FREE ON AIRPLANES: Airlines expecting big run on parachutes.
JESSICA ALBA SAYS ACTING IS “LIKE A DRUG”: That explains the “Machete” movies.
“GOT MILK?” ADS REPLACED AFTER 20 YEARS: Conceding defeat, replaces with “Got Fries?”
RUSSELL CROWE LOBBIES POPE FRANCIS TO SEE “NOAH”: Francis holding out for “Godzilla.”
PEOPLE MAGAZINE PROMISES NOT TO RUN PHOTOS OF FAMOUS KIDS: Plans to wait for their teenage mug shots.
JUSTIN BIEBER’S BODYGUARD, DRIVER ARRESTED IN ATLANTA: Both going for Employee of the Month.
— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, KYLE NAGEL